Guardian
by Dreamweaving
Summary: Zexion's drunk and Lexaeus is left trying to watch over him while simultaneously struggling with his own thoughts and 'feelings'. Zexion really shouldn't be playing these games while intoxicated... LexaeusZexion oneshot


Zexion lay, sprawled on the bed on his back, staring up at the ceiling. He was drunk. Terribly drunk. His cheeks were flushed and from time to time he attempted to pull his coat off-without unzipping it, only to give up and close his eyes until the room stopped spinning.

Lexaeus sat at his side, watching over him with concern.

"You shouldn't have let them talk you into it." He murmurs, brushing Zexion's bangs away from his face gently. He's not scolding. It's never scolding when Lexaeus does it. It's just him showing concern. Worrying.

Zexion again tries to peel his coat away. It's hot and he's uncomfortable. "Lexaeus... help me."

The older male frowns a little, not sure he likes the idea of helping Zexion get out of the coat. Or rather, maybe worried he likes the idea a bit too much. But he can never seem to turn the younger down.

He reaches, tugging the zipper down. Slowly. He tries to pay no mind to the pale skin as it's slowly revealed to him. But it's so hard to pretend he doesn't want to touch it. To taste it. The thoughts that swirl in his mind seem wrong. They make him uncomfortable. But he helps Zexion out of his coat anyway.

"You're so good to me..." Zexion murmurs, giving a soft sigh as Lexaeus gently lets him sink back onto the mattress. He reaches out a hand and trails it down Lexaeus' face, the corners of his lips turning to form an almost-smile. "I don't know why you bother."

_"Because you're beautiful."_ Lexaeus thinks, but doesn't say. _"Inside and out. You're so breathtaking..."_

Zexion is eighteen. He's legal. But there's still a large age difference between them. It makes Lexaeus feel wrong. He shouldn't be having these thoughts.

He tries to ignore the soft fingers on his skin, even as they dip down, trailing over his neck and down to his coat. Zexion frowns, toying with the zipper.

"It's hot in here. Aren't you hot, Lexaeus?"

Sometimes he wonders if Zexion knows. If he can see all of his thoughts laid bare before him. If he does this to test him-or perhaps to see how far he can push him.

But Zexion's drunk. He's in no shape to be playing these games with an older man. And he's so small, Lexaeus realizes as grips the schemer's hand, pulling it away from the zipper on his coat. He can feel how tiny it is in his grasp. Or maybe _he's _just too big... God how this child worries him...

"I'm fine." He tells the boy, releasing his hand. "You should rest until the alcohol wears off."

"I'm not tired." Zexion informs him, again reaching for the zipper. "And I don't want you to go."

"I'm not going anywhere." Lexaeus assures him.

"Then lay with me. As you did when I was a child and had nightmares."

Back then it had been so innocent. Zexion had been just a child. Lexaeus had thought he looked at the boy as a younger sibling. But that was before Zexion grew up.

Now he was a teenager. Still short and skinny and pale. But he was different. He moved differently. He spoke differently. And Lexaeus always felt like a dirty old man whenever he caught himself watching the boy. He knew it was ridiculous, but the thought was always there in the back of his mind. A voice telling him he shouldn't be noticing these things.

"I can't."

He reaches again to grab the hand tugging at his coat's zipper, but Zexion already has it partway down. He inhales sharply as those pale hands slip beneath his coat, caressing.

"You're so tense..." Zexion breathes as his fingers ghost up to Lexaeus' shoulders. "You always help me. Let me help you for once."

The words seem so innocent, but Zexion gazes up at him through half-lidded eyes and his tone of voice suggests something so much more than a massage...

Or maybe Lexaeus' mind is running wild again.

"After you've rested." Lexaeus replies, grabbing Zexion's wrists and pulling the boy's hands away from his skin.

Zexion frowns up at him, using Lexaeus' hold on him to pull himself into a sitting position. "You're making excuses." He sighs and lets his body lean into Lexaeus', forcing the man to release his wrists.

"I'm trying to get you to sleep it off."

"I told you. I don't _want_ to sleep."

Lexaeus tries to pretend he doesn't notice the warm breath on his neck. It's impossible. And he finds himself going rigid as the teenager's lips ghost over his skin where his breath had been brushing.

"Zexion..."

"It's what you want, isn't it?"

He closes his eyes, making no move to stop the boy as he trails butterfly-soft kisses down to his shoulder. So he did notice... But Lexaeus knows he still has to remain level-headed. He's the adult here.

He grabs Zexion's shoulders, pushing him gently away.

"We can't do this. _I _can't do this."

"Can't or _won't_?"

"It isn't right."

"Because of our age difference?"

How does Zexion always _know_? How does he always see right through him?

"You're drunk. You don't know what you're saying. What you're doing."

"I know what I _want_."

"You're _drunk_." Lexaeus repeats, more firmly.

"You don't have to pretend with me, Lexaeus. It's just sex. It doesn't mean anything."

It's like a slap to the face and Lexaeus lets go of his shoulder, standing up and turning to the door. He can't do this. He just can't. He'll put up with a lot from Zexion, but he won't let him question his intentions. His desires. Even if he knows as they are now that's all it _would _be.

"Lexaeus-wait! Don't leave me!"

He pauses at the door, knowing he'll regret it if he looks back. Knowing what he sees will crumble his resolve.

He looks back anyway.

"Please..."

That forlorn look... he knows it's well rehearsed. Knows it so well. And yet as it always does, it breaks him down. Calls to something long since lost within him. He remembers when that look was genuine. When it was begging him to keep the monsters away. Back before things became complicated.

Well. He couldn't keep them away... could he?

Now _they _were the monsters. He hated irony.

"...I'll lay with you. But only if you promise to _sleep_."

The silence hangs between them. He knows it's meaningless even as the empty promise slips from Zexion's lips and he makes his way back to the bed.

He knows even before Zexion is reaching to pull him in for a kiss. Even before those cold, smooth hands are delving back into his coat. He knows Zexion always gets what he wants.

_"Vexen was right-I spoil him."_ He thinks numbly as he dips his head to kiss along Zexion's jaw and down his throat. _"He's got me wrapped around his finger. He always has."_

He's worried about hurting him. He's _always _worried about hurting him. So when Zexion tries to pull him down atop himself, he moves to lay beside him instead. Zexion doesn't take long to follow, straddling his hips and sighing as Lexaeus nuzzles against his shoulder.

They can't feel. Zexion's right when he says it means nothing. But Lexaeus refuses to let this be just about pleasure. He refuses. Zexion's still young and his mind is already warped enough from the hand life dealt him. Lexaeus won't just use him and cast him aside. He was already damaged enough. So when Zexion presses up against him, giving a soft groan, Lexaeus kisses him gently on the lips and rolls them both over as carefully as he can.

With Zexion looking up at him like that, it would have been easy to just let himself go. To let himself have what he wanted. It was just within reach. Just a few articles of clothing stood in his way. He could discard them easily and Zexion would be his for the taking. They both wanted it, didn't they?

Instead he moves off of the boy, laying beside him and carefully wrapping him in his arms.

"When you're sober." He murmurs. "If it's still what you want, you can have it. Not until then."

Zexion murmurs a protest against his chest, muffled and unhappy. Even so, he settles after a moment, closing his eyes and sinking into the older male. His fingers curl into Lexaeus' coat, clutching. It's so needy, a reflection of things Zexion can no longer feel, but it comes across so honest that Lexaeus is for the first time glad he has no heart to be broken. He knows it's fake. Zexion's good at acting, even when he's under the influence. It doesn't change anything.

"...Don't leave me."

Lexaeus sighs softly, pressing his face into Zexion's hair as his hand gently rubs at the younger man's back, trying to soothe him.

"I'm not going anywhere, Zexion... I promise."


End file.
